


What Becomes Of Those Yet Forgotten

by Mql1



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Fluff, John is a Very Good Doctor, M/M, Romance, Self-Indulgent, Spoilers, Tags Are Hard, This is my boy I don't care what bioware says, Trespasser DLC, halp, im late to the party, maybe? - Freeform, my boy needs happiness because the dlc broke me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-13 19:23:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15371610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mql1/pseuds/Mql1
Summary: When Esme Addar awakes after his meeting with Solas for the last time leaves this one confused, mixed race, inquisitor to try an scramble to fix everything left behind. All while hopping to stay nearest to the man he loves, the very man so keen on leaving him. But how will things change now that the final gears are set into place. Can one really bare to leave the other after everything?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I haven't written a fanfic in a long time, but I've finally gotten to the trespasser dlc and lets just say the ending made me want more so i have to do it for my fucking self.  
> Anyways sorry, this will be self indulgent and very OOC of the whole thing, my boy just needs the love I believe he earns so here I am.  
> No promises on updates or that this will be finished. Either way your support is always thanked.
> 
>  
> 
> Do people read these? who knows

It's hard to say what happened the moment Esme lost conciseness in the odd floating field, kneeling in pain before a proclaimed god, or perhaps proclaimed by his people is better suited. Vision blurring in and out as the world, or this world, seemed to slip away. All he could see was the form of a former friend, lingering beside the iridescent pulsing glows of a unimaginably large Eluvian.  _I should have just killed him when I saw him, why must I always seek answers even after I've been hurt?_ Words that would never come be to spoken, like many that drifted through Esme's mind as another rippling shock of pain shot through his arm. Causing his body to spasm before his body went limp.  


From there came the unknown, darkness as voices echoed in his mind. That of panic, fear, everything he felt. He didn't want to die, the voices didn't wish him to do as such either. It was comforting as the pain flooded his being, even if it was just his mind using his own thoughts to sound like those he cared for. Or those he had cared for. His body weightless, all until the world came back to him in excruciating pain.  
  
A scream tore through him as his eyes flung open, he wasn't dead, but he wished it within the moment he found that he was still in the same place. If only moved a few meager feet away, closer to the only hope of an exit. This he noticed as bright, rift green eyes shot about trying to look to what was causing this pain that made him jerk like a wild animal.   
  
"Keep him down- oh fucken- can we knock em out again?!" A voice, unmistakable, Sera. She sounded just as scared as she was angry, common for her, fear to be masked by anger to avoid weakness. "Just- get that damned thing of em!"  
  
"I-I'm trying-" Thom, Blackwall, to many names for one man to hold, even if he claimed one as a title now. But the rather steadfast man, one that Esme has only heard break down once before, when at his lowest point possible, sounded like he was on the verge of breaking once more. It was worse then hearing Sera somehow.  
  
"Just knock em out! Please-!" Sera choked, sounding as if she stumbled down, it was then that the tight grip was felt around his ankles.  
  
"No-" It got worse as green eyes tore from its blind search to see the blue wells spilling forth over his own face. Firm hands pressed painfully into his shoulders even as his head lay in the lap of the one he loves. "What if he doesn't wake up again- I can't-"  
  
"Dorian- this ain't about you- it's about Esme!" Sera now barked, maybe she was mad this time, or just lashing out.  
  
There wasn't much more to be heard, it seemed to seem in and out, the sounds all coming to him faster then it was all happening. Like someone slowed time, yet just on him, making the pain grip at him once more, laying heavy in his body yet harder in his chest. Those eyes. What was happening to make this man, his man, spill out every fiber of his grand Tevinter pride? It was an answer he couldn't get as he slipped away once more. What ever gods were out there, if any would take his sorry ass, or cared for it, he dearly hoped that they would simply send him back. He couldn't rest until he was able to replace the pride into the well that seeped unto his pain stricken body.

 

*******

 

The first thing Esme could remember was tears, many, not just from haunting eyes but the sounds of sobs and fear coming from around him as he drifted from what he swore was living and death. His body feeling heavy, tossed about and moved so many times that he lost count. Lost faith. Oh how much he did lose, when he finally awake, feeling as though a dragon had attacked him, and he alone fought it, with nothing but a toy sword at that. However this was a better feeling than one could ever hope for, though the idea has yet to come as he groans.  
  
This is were the second truth came into being, that when he tried to push himself from whatever cot he was on, he found himself tilting, so much so that the half breed lost his balance. A slip, a stumble, a crash of things that have yet come into view. Bed pans? Jugs? Potions, it was hard to say let alone count as he coughed away the dryness of his throat. Eyes tearing up as the cold floor greeted him.  
  
"Granite?" He questioned allowed, looking over the dirtied smudges left by the boots of many people who've must been in and out, reticently he supposed. Only one place this could be, the Winter Palace. So he did make it back, then how? And why had his companions seemed so distressed?  
  
"What is happening-" He spoke to himself, it was out of habit anymore, sadly a man holding such power finds himself often speaking to himself. That and he often found himself like this, locked up in some way, alone, commenting on his holdings until someone comes in right as he is familiarized with the place. Fate maybe, or simply shit luck. He didn't want to speak aloud when alone all the time, but someone had to fill the void of nonsense when Sera wasn't around.

With some grunts, and many hopeless tries as wiggling about like some helpless turtle he sound himself to his knees. Arms stretched in front of him, like some odd stretches that he's seen Vivienne do once. He felt it looked silly. It was this however that brought the realization to why he was so off balance. Feeling his left side somehow heavy and light all at once. Seeing that his arm, was not where he felt, or perhaps imagined it to be.  
  
It was shocking, one that lead him to stare, all memories of what he could piece from tears and worry, it somehow made sense. He was dying. The mark was killing him right there, Solas had no plans on letting him live out what few years he had claimed to give him- had he? More lies, more anger, more things that fall beyond Esme's control leaving him to want to punch thing. But how could he now?

Like some sick joke he laughed, now crawling like some broken dog, limping, hopping, even falling face first across the cruel ground before he found a piece to perches his hand. Struggling through pain and weakness to stand so that he could get a grasp on why he was acting this way. Why a sick, darkened sound curled out his lips like a mad animal, laughing away the pain as little unseen drops of tears and blood dabbled onto the stone. Pattering like uneven rain that left him breathless.

The room was a nice one, of course, The Empress likely made that so, this will be her saving him now will it? However there was many things taken from it, there was no silk bed sheets, just cotton, easier to throw away. Nothing to breakable save a water jug he pushed off the night stand in his initial fall from the bed. With those shattered pieces lay tools, bloodied and wrapped for safety, though many came from such wrappings in the fall. The sharp edges and blood made his stomach churn. Like seeing the sword to kill yourself with, it was unsettling in the most eerily of calm ways. For it is not the sword to fear, but the pain that comes from it.  
  
From the bed came the chairs, there was to many, least for a room such as this, with dark blue drapery drawn tight to keep out the light. It meant that people were watching him, another thought that crept in unwelcome.  
  
"Like saying goodbye to a loved one on their death bed." He commented with another sick laugh. Eye turning now to see the mirror of the vanity that he pulled himself up on.  
  
There he could see it all, he wore little to nothing spare the many blood seeping bandages around his newly found stump. His pale, grey skin looking sickly, likely from all this blood he is losing. Eyes hollow, the light that once sparked in them seemed dead, if this was because of his lacking limb or the loss of the mark is hard to say. He however couldn't be the same man.  
  
"Look at you...a wreck...what would they all say."  
  
The comment brought about memories, when he first found himself locked in a cold, dark stone room, though it had less appeal. Though he could envy that time already, even if he was in binds he still had two arms to bind.  
  
They didn't know what to do with him then, some half breed that neither race would accept. The Elves would pay no mind to him, and the Qunari would do much worse then ignore his existence. Some odd grey skin, like a bad tan that somehow turned ashen, the small horns which lay tight to his head. Like a crown his mother always said, flicking the small bumps that poked along in uneven patterns. Vivid eyes that could see to much like the elves. And the ears, both races had pointed ears of course, however the two were different by far. His made him look like a mule, to big for his face, to expressive, much like an elf's, yet to close to his skull like the Qunari. His height however was the oddity, making him to tall to be an elf, to short for the Qunari, but not settling to be equal with man. No instead he stood just awkwardly tall above them, yet annoyingly below the others. Like a baby deer, bond to have tall legs and a hearty body some day, yet he never seemed to grow out of that. He was by many forms, just odd. Thin body fitted tight with the energy he held, yet broad in places that made it difficult.  
  
To say the least how annoyingly thin dwarven doors are were still somehow a problem from him and The Iron Bull.  
  
But what he was now was none of this. Lop sided. Sad. A shell that kept drifting back into his mind. "Where did I miss it, how didn't I see it." He questions his memories, looking back to remember all the pain of what he'll never be again all while hoping for a solution.   
  
It didn't last, like most things he's found as he is wobbling in place. For his fate as always stepped in, how he dammed it all as his body crumbled right as the found of the heavy wooden blue door opened. It must have been the blood, or the tears, both leading to his next black out as a horse voice called for medical attention. Sobs welling up in it from the doorway.  
  
Esme could already see those eyes again. He had so much to fix, but he had to fix those first.


	2. Chapter 2

A soft presence was felt over the lulling din of pain, causing Esme to stir once more, however this time in less of a hysterical state. Eyes blinking slowly, taking in the soft murmurs, something akin to prayer as this presser pulsed in his remaining hand. Groggily he shifted, trying to pull away only to hear a gasp, the hands causing such soft touch tightening now as to not let him wiggle away.

"Amatus-" A sort strangled noise that Esme cast his eyes towards, seeing his love in such a sunken state. Dorian was always a beautiful man, even now as his eyes were red from crying, cheeks puffy and voice strained- his hair was even a mess which was the most telling of his distress of any- yet even with all of this he still held that glow that made Esme smile, tired as he was.

"Dorian-"

"No, don't speak, you need to rest." He insisted, squeezing his hand tighter.

"Dorian." Esme said a little firmer, he was never one to sit still when hurt. It was simple fact of him, when he had so much resting on his every action, there was never a time to recover. Not even now. 

A short silence lingered, in of which Esme tried to free himself once more, awkwardly scooting and shifting about the bed until he was at least sitting up. The act alone seemed impossible, taking so much out of his drained frame that could now look over his lover more clearly. Watch as Dorian let his hand slip away, his own now twisting into the sheets. 

"Were you praying?" Esme broke the silence, the air of his voice meant to seem teasing, yet coming out perhaps more concerned than he meant it.

Dorian's red rimed eyes shot to him, taking a moment to glare before he crumbled. "Of course I was, after all that has happened I- I just needed to feel like I wasn't useless."

That notion alone brought a grimace to Esme's face. "Why would you feel like that?" A plan question, trying to root out just why this new path of self loathing has appeared in him. They always came with some hidden reason that could be solved if he simply would talk.

Dorian gaffed, indigent at the thought of talking. Perhaps its all to soon? So with a sigh Esme moved his hand back, pushing his way back into Dorian's grasp. The comfort such an action seemed to give was nearly instant as he felt that scared grip again following Dorian's shoulders relaxing ever so slightly.

Here they sat, in this quiet for some time. Each lost in their own thoughts. Esme testing out these ghostly feelings of an arm that wasn't there. Easily unnoticed by Dorian as Esme simply watched his empty side. Trying to figure why he still felt the weight of a limb that was no longer there, why he felt he could flex it's muscles, when in reality he could do none of those things.

Dorian all the while just held onto him, hardly casting his eyes to anything but their tangled hands. It was all he could do it keep his lover from slipping away again. Holding him steadfast, even if this whole place burned around them. He was not about to let go.

It was some moments later that the door opened, catching both men off guard to stare as the slumped shouldered, floppy hat, came shuffling in. Followed by a heavy sigh from Thom as he followed after Cole. "I thought I told you to knock first." Thom said in a parenting way, as everyone did with Cole. 

"The noise would have scared them." Cole said as he does, never quiet telling what he means as he came closer. It was now clear that he was holding a small bowl of warmed water, a towel as well as some new bandages tucked under his arm. 

"Hello Cole." Esme gave a faint smile as he leaned his head back against the head board. "So you're my doctor?"

"No." Short as ever with his answers. "The mages did most the work. But I knew you'd need these changed. If you kept seeing them dirty it would make you upset." There came a pause as Cole set his gathered things down on the night stand. Shifting his weight for a moment. "I...think." He added, something that made a soft laugh escape Esme.

"Well, you hardly are wrong. Thank you Cole." It was then that Esme grew silent, the room become a little stiffer as all noticed the stump move. He had meant to mess with the younger man's hat, tousle it around to make Cole swipe at him. However, without an arm to do so it simply left the room uneasy.

Cole took this as his move to simply get to work. Head ducked down while the room simmered in that uneasy energy. Thom coming farther into the room than he had before. Moving from the doorway to now he at the foot of the bed. He easily seemed the most uneasy, some new found guilt weighing him down as he tried to hold eye contact with Esme who looked anywhere but the stump that was being cleaned as gently as the boys hands could.  
  
Finally it seemed he couldn't hold it in any longer, taking a deep breath to ground himself before he spoke to Esme. "I'm sorry. About all of this-"

"Why-?"

"Please just let me speak. Inquisitor- I....I didn't know what else to do. When the mirror opened up and we could come through we all just found you-" As Thom spoke Dorian's grip on his hand became painful. Trying to squeeze away the memory it seems. "-you where in so much pain. We all thought you were dying, we had no one to help you, I had to think fast. We all heard what the Viddasala said, that blasted mark was killing you. When it all came to it I-" Thom's voice broke, he was trying to hold it together, he wouldn't cry but it was impossible not to hear it carry in his voice. "I did the only thing I could do."

Esme sat there for a moment, taking in everything before he slowly nodded. "You cut off my arm." There was no question, it was clear what Thom was trying to say even if he couldn't put the words to it.

"I'm sorry, Esme, I-"

"No." Esme dismissed, shaking his head as Thom tried to take the blame for something well beyond them all. "Thom, Blackwall, you are in no place to be sorry." He added in the title, catching his friend off guard, to the point where Thom shifted to hold himself a little taller. "I may not know everything just yet but....I think you did the right thing."

"How can you say that?" Thom asked, disbelieving he was hearing such compassion yet again. It didn't make sense how time and time again Esme would forgive these awful acts he's done.

"Because as far as we know, if he hadn't acted when you did, I'd be dead by now."

"Don't say that." A weak voice hissed from his side, catching Esme to look sadly to Dorian who was trembling. "Don't you ever say that again." The demand was there, even if his voice was choked out by sobs. It hurt Esme's heart, he once again was making those eyes drip their color. Leaving him to simply squeeze his hand the best he could in Dorian's.

With a steady breath the room seemed to even out again. The focus on the stump fading as now everyone simply breathed. Recovering from raw emotions that seeped forth uninvited. Much like the sound coming from the hall. A yell, a call, and the hurried padding of feet across the stone halls that caused Cole to jump. Breathing out a hurried, and worried alarm to stop what was inevitable.

The blond elf darted in, like her arrows when she fights, swift and true to their aim. Landing onto the chest of her target as she all but flung herself across Esme in the bed. Causing Dorian to squawk in horror that someone would dare to jump onto someone hurt while Esme burst into pained laughter. His hand pulling from Dorian's so that he could push the small elf about so that she sat on his lap. Those grey eyes filled with fire locked on the fade green eyes. A unspoken match had started between the two as words began to flow out of the small spit fires mouth.

"You're daft you know that. A blighting idiot, I should shoot you- you know? Do you know what you put me through!?"

"Put  _you_ through?!" Dorian squawked again, glaring at Sera who ignored him with the best of ease.

"First you take me through some fancy mage mirror to some sparkle place, then we loss bull, then you gotta go and die on me!" Sera goes on, her eyes unblinking as Esme's as she rambles. Waiting for the other to crumble.

"I'm not dead?" Esme says with slight amusement, before letting out a puff of air in Sera's face. Making her hiss out a curse as she blinked. A small victory for the Inquisitor. Maybe he can still do his job?

"You little-" Sera huffed before punching him in the shoulder, however her mercy was no were in sight as she punched the very one that Cole was still trying to wrap up even after Sera invaded.

"Hey!" 

Esme's shout in pain was ignored, along with Dorian trying to shove the damned imp off of the bed. "What do you think I would have done if I lost you! I'd lose a friend! A Jenny!" Sera went on still. "You can't just become a friend and then die right away- that makes the whole thing- well- stupid then!"

Esme could feel the eyes on him from Dorian. A choice he made before consulting his beloved. Though he thought it was fair, gave him reason to work while Dorian was away, such a thing that Dorian never exactly asked him on. Even if he wouldn't have stopped him from making such a choice.

"But I'm not dead, that means you still have a friend." Esme added, ignoring the looks Dorian gave.

"Even if just half a friend?" Thom added with a sad smile, still guilt ridden it seems.

"Half is better than none." Esme said in an almost reminding way. He was alive, so that's what counts.

 

******

It didn't take long for things to settle down again, the uninvited guests soon filtering out when they got their says in. Leaving just Dorian and Esme together again. Esme's eyes getting heavy as he settled back into the bed. Shifting closer to the other side of the bed and leaving the unspoken space for his lover. A space that was filled soon enough, the bed creaking faintly as Dorian curled against his side. It was hard to tell the time, but it didn't matter, after all that happened he believed they neared bits of sleep they could get.

The two drifting away, a soft murmur being left in the room. "If you ever do this again I'll kill you." Followed by a faint chuckle, one filled with love to hear such an expected threat. "I know." Soon followed until the two spoke no more for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow another chapter! Why? Hell if I know.  
> Enjoy Sera, because I do. She's a doll you know?

**Author's Note:**

> Me: how do write?  
> everyone else: just do it  
> Me: well fuck okay
> 
> wow okay, haven't written in a long time for a fanfic, let alone to let people read. So...heh. Have fun. It's a mess and not good I'm sure but I'll likely keep writing till I bore of this. But I will try to finish it if you all really like it!  
> Enough about that though, enjoy my super off cannon thing where I suck at writing and rating because wow how do fanfic?  
> Am I right?
> 
> no?


End file.
